Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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