Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize