his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
