do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
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