It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
