fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
