Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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