Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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