make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
