Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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