She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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