Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
