I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
