oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
