if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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