my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
