i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
