its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
okay pat passed out under dana's car
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
