he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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