In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize