Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
