Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
