just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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