i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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