i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
