Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
