last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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