Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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