I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize