you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
