i jhust puked up my retainher.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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