The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
