Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
