I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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