omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
