Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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