i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
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