i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
