If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
