Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
