My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
