her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
