I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
