he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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