She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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