sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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