im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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