dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
