Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
