he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
