Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
