I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize