I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
