i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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