tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize