OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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