You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
