I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
