She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
