Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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