You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
