so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Randomize
