I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
